Values

Why: Ask someone why they got out of bed this morning and you'll hear a values answer — whether they know it or not. Values are the invisible operating system behind every choice, every conflict, every feeling of alignment or frustration. Most people have never made theirs conscious. What: Values defined — unconscious filters that determine how we spend our time, energy, and attention. The difference between values and beliefs (values are what matters; beliefs are what we think is true). Toward values vs. away-from values. How values are formed: Massey's three developmental periods — imprint period (0-7), modeling period (8-13), socialization period (14-21). The distinction between stated values and operational values (what you say matters vs. what your behavior proves matters). How: Exercise: pairs work through a guided reflection — 'What's most important to you in life?' Partner listens for the values behind the surface answers. Identify 8-10 values without ranking. What If: What if you could hear the values driving every decision someone makes — before they're even aware of them?

Why: You can't work with what you can't surface. Most people will tell you what they think their values are — but those are stated values, not operational ones. The elicitation process bypasses the conscious mind's PR department and gets to what actually drives behavior. What: Three elicitation methods, each revealing different layers. Classical elicitation: 'What's important to you about [context]?' — repeat, go deeper, keep asking 'And what else is important?' until the well runs dry. Motivation elicitation: 'What would have to be true about a [job/relationship/life] for you to be completely fulfilled?' — surfaces toward values through desired states. Threshold elicitation: 'What would have to happen for you to leave?' — reveals away-from values and non-negotiables. The art of listening for values behind the words — when someone says 'I want more freedom,' freedom is the value, but what does freedom mean to them? Chunking down to the specific sensory experience behind the nominalization. Toward vs. away-from: every value has a direction. 'I want security' (toward) vs. 'I don't want to be broke' (away-from) — same domain, very different motivation and behavior. How: Demo: facilitator elicits values live from a volunteer using all three methods, narrating the process as it happens. Then pairs practice: Partner A elicits Partner B's top 8-10 values in a specific context (career, relationships, or health). Use all three methods. Don't rank yet — just get them out and on paper. What If: What if you could sit down with anyone — a client, a team member, a partner — and in 15 minutes know exactly what drives them at the deepest level?

Why: Knowing your values isn't enough — knowing which ones win when they compete is everything. Two people can share the same values and make completely different decisions because their hierarchy is different. A person who values freedom above security makes very different choices than someone with the same two values in reverse order. What: The comparison method for ranking: take each pair of values and ask 'If you could have A but not B, or B but not A, which would you choose?' Work through every combination to establish the true rank order. Why the comparison method works better than 'just put them in order' — it forces real trade-offs and bypasses the conscious mind's desire to say 'they're all equally important.' How hierarchy shows up in real decisions — the value that wins the trade-off is the one that's actually higher, regardless of what you'd prefer to believe. Context-dependent hierarchies: your career values hierarchy may differ from your relationship hierarchy. Reading the hierarchy for patterns — clusters of toward values at the top vs. away-from values creeping in. How: Using the values elicited in the previous session, pairs now rank them into a hierarchy using the comparison method. Full process: go through every A-vs-B comparison, tally the results, establish the rank order. Then discuss: any surprises? Does this hierarchy explain decisions you've made that confused you at the time? What If: What if you could look at any decision you're stuck on and immediately see which values are competing — and which one your hierarchy says should win?

Prerequisite: Eliciting Values

Why: Every internal conflict is a values conflict. The feeling of being 'stuck' or 'torn' is almost always two values competing for the same slot. Understanding the three types of values conflicts gives you the diagnostic framework for nearly every stuck state. What: The three types of values conflicts: (1) Two toward values competing — wanting adventure AND security, freedom AND connection. Neither is wrong; the hierarchy isn't clear or has shifted. (2) Toward-away conflict within the same value — wanting success but fearing the visibility it brings. The value pulls in both directions. (3) A value that is toward in one context and away-from in another — wanting control at work but resenting it at home. Same value, opposite relationship. How to identify which type you're dealing with through the elicitation. The role of away-from values in creating self-sabotage. How: Exercise: using the hierarchy from the previous session, pairs identify at least one values conflict in their own hierarchy. Classify it by type. Discuss: where does this conflict show up in real life? What decisions does it affect? Demo: facilitator demonstrates identifying and classifying a values conflict live. What If: What if every time you felt stuck, you knew it was just two values that hadn't been put in the right order yet — and you had the tool to fix it?

Why: Once you can see the hierarchy and the conflicts, the question becomes — can you change it? Yes. Using submodalities, you can move values up or down in the hierarchy, resolve conflicts, and align your unconscious priorities with your conscious goals. This is one of the most powerful NLP change techniques. What: The submodality contrastive analysis approach to values change. Compare the submodality coding of the #1 value to the value you want to move up — find the critical submodality differences (size, brightness, location, distance, associated/dissociated). Then map across: change the submodalities of the target value to match the #1 value's coding. The value moves up in the hierarchy because the unconscious mind codes importance through submodalities. Ecology check: what would change if this value moved up? How: Full changing values in hierarchy exercise. Pairs work through the complete process: (1) identify the value to move, (2) contrastive analysis between current position and desired position, (3) map across, (4) test — re-elicit the hierarchy and verify the change. Demo goes here. What If: What if you could consciously redesign your priorities — not by willpower, but by changing how your unconscious mind codes what matters most?

Prerequisite: Values Hierarchy + Basic Submodalities

Why: Every team conflict, every misalignment, every 'culture problem' is a values problem. When a team shares values but has different hierarchies, they agree on what matters but fight about priorities. When they have different values entirely, they wonder why they can't communicate. What: Team values elicitation — facilitated process for surfacing a team's shared and individual values. The difference between stated organizational values (on the wall) and operational team values (in the behavior). How team values hierarchies create culture by default — and how making them explicit creates culture by design. Values alignment in hiring, role assignment, and conflict resolution. The 'values collision' exercise: what happens when two team members' top values directly conflict? How: Group exercise: the full group does a team values elicitation. Each person shares their top 3 work values. The facilitator maps overlaps and gaps on a whiteboard. Then: take two people whose hierarchies conflict and facilitate a values-based conversation about a simulated team decision. The group observes how the conflict plays out and what shifts when values are made explicit. What If: What if your team could resolve any disagreement in 10 minutes by asking: 'What value is driving each of our positions?'

Why: Individual values work is powerful. But there's a bigger pattern — a developmental map of how values evolve, both in individuals and in cultures. Graves discovered that human consciousness moves through distinct levels, each with its own values system, worldview, and way of organizing life. Understanding this map changes how you see everything — leadership, politics, relationships, and your own growth. What: Clare Graves' emergent cyclical levels of existence, popularized as Spiral Dynamics. The 8 levels: Beige (survival), Purple (tribal/safety), Red (power/dominance), Blue (order/purpose), Orange (achievement/success), Green (community/equality), Yellow (integration/systemic), Turquoise (holistic/global). Each level is a complete values system — not better or worse, but adapted to different life conditions. How levels emerge: when current life conditions overwhelm the current values system, the next level activates. The pendulum: individual expression (Beige, Red, Orange, Yellow) alternates with collective bonding (Purple, Blue, Green, Turquoise). Massey's developmental periods revisited through the Spiral lens. The Coaching Values Inventory (CVI) as a tool. How: Exercise: self-assessment — where do you see yourself on the Spiral? Where does your organization sit? Small group discussion: identify the dominant values level in 3 real-world examples (a company, a political movement, a family system). Then: examine a real conflict through the Spiral lens — what happens when a Blue system clashes with an Orange system? What If: What if you could look at any conflict — personal, organizational, or global — and immediately see which values levels are colliding, and what conditions would need to change for resolution?

Prerequisite: What Are Values + Values Hierarchy