Reframing — Full 4-MAT Presentation Script

Presenter: Hana Total Time: 20 minutes Has Demo: No

1. WHY — Motivation (~7 min / 35%)

Goal: Build a reason for your audience to care. Why does reframing matter? What's in it for them? What changes when you can reframe?

So I want to talk to you about something that, once you get it, will change the way you communicate with everyone in your life — clients, family, employees, friends — everyone.

Here is a frame. Have you ever noticed that when you look through a frame of life one way, it looks one way, and then if you look at it another way, it looks another way — and those two things have completely different meanings? That is what this whole topic is about. It is called reframing.

So let me ask you something. Have you ever had a family member or a friend come to you and tell you their woes and their problems — but you are not invited to coach them? You are not in a formal coaching session. They are just venting. And you can see the answer, but you cannot just say it. Well, think of reframing as an opportunity to help them with their problem without them knowing you are helping them.

"Reframing is really — the big benefit in knowing how to reframe is to be able to help someone. It's kind of like metaphors in the sense that you help someone access resources covertly, or without being obvious about it."

Imagine if you were able to help people with their problems simply by reframing it for them — so that their problem turned into something else entirely. How useful would that be? Obviously in a formal coaching setting this is very powerful. But also, any time there is a problem, if you can find a way to reframe it, you might be able to avert that problem altogether.

Now, here is why this matters at a deep level. When a client comes to you with a problem, if you can picture this — they come to you holding onto their problem very tightly. This is theirs. "Mine. My problem. Mine." They are basically indistinguishable from their problem. They are attached to it. So metaphorically, what we need to do as practitioners is learn to loosen their grip a little bit on that problem before we can actually attempt to help them solve it. We need to loosen them up. And reframing is a great way to do that.

"If you can always be reframing — always — no matter what — reframe anything — you'll be able to contribute to someone's experience simply by talking to them, especially when they're struggling."

Now think about this from a sales perspective. If you have ever taken a sales training, in the sales training they give you a list of the top 10 objections for your field and a list of the top 10 canned responses — a script. Well, why do those things work? If you step back, the process behind those scripts is reframing. So if you actually learn the process of reframing, you learn the basis behind the basis of answering objections. You are no longer dependent on a script. You can handle any objection because you understand the structure underneath.

And reframing is not just for coaching. It is for sales, for management, for education, for therapy — for helping someone come up with more resources inside their head so they can make the changes they want to make.

There is a famous story — a video of Dr. Wayne Dyer reframing to parents the loss of their child as a gift. And it was absolutely brilliant and masterful. People will say, "Oh my God, that is ridiculous, that does not even make sense." But the parents were suffering, and he was able to alleviate their suffering by reframing. That is a very powerful, powerful language tool. Imagine being able to provide that kind of service.

"As a coach, your job is to separate the meaning from the facts — because problems really arise when those two things collapse."

So here is what I want you to take away: reframing is one of the most important ways you need to learn to speak as a coach. Because if you can reframe anything, you become the coach or the leader that is able to adapt to any situation and help people see another meaning — and in that meaning, maybe they get access to resources, or they get out of a problem state, or they have an insight that leads to a better result.

It is pretty simple, as with most things in life. The difference between simple and easy is practice. And that is what we are going to do here.

2. WHAT — Information (~4.5 min / 22%)

Goal: Teach the concepts. Definitions, theory, types of reframes, background. Do NOT explain how to do the exercises here.

So what is reframing? Reframing is essentially about changing the meaning or the context of a presenting problem.

"What we're doing is we're separating the facts from the meaning. We're separating the intention from the behavior. We're separating what is made up versus what is occurring."

Now, if we go back to the NLP presuppositions — the map is not the territory — what that means is that all meaning is dependent upon the context in which it appears. And if all meaning is context-dependent, then by changing the context or the structure in which something appears, we can change the meaning. Which also means — all content is reframeable. By simply changing the context, we can reframe virtually everything.

Think of it this way: the person is struggling with the way they are framing reality, and it is a problem, and they do not have any resources in that state. A reframe gives them a different focal point or a different meaning. What it really does is — you have billions of bits of information coming in, and the ones they filtered are causing them a problem. A reframe gives them an opportunity to choose a different 126 bits. And in that different reality, they have access to more resources.

Now, there are two types of reframes for the purposes of NLP.

Context Reframe

A context reframe is best used when the client delivers their problem in the format of a comparative deletion — "I am too this," or "She is too that."

In a context reframe, you keep the behavior the same, but you change the context where that behavior is occurring. In the new context, the behavior becomes appropriate — even a good thing.

"There's a famous story about the father who comes to the therapist and says, 'My daughter's too stubborn, my daughter's too defiant,' and the therapist quickly responds, 'Won't that be great when she's presented with a lot of peer pressure and she doesn't just succumb to what all her peers suggest?'"

The father sits back and goes, "Huh. Never thought of it like that before." The father was looking at it as a problem inside the family. As soon as you shift the context, he totally changes. That is masterful therapy, and it takes about two minutes.

You can shift context by changing location, changing time, changing circumstances, changing age, shifting chunk size — chunk up or chunk down — or shifting from the behavior to the intention.

Content or Meaning Reframe

The second type is a meaning reframe, also called a content reframe. This works best when the complaint is in the form of a cause and effect — "When she does X, I feel Y" — or a complex equivalence — "When she looked at me that way, it means she does not love me."

In this case, you keep the context the same, but you change the meaning. And honestly?

"You literally make it up. It cannot be more straightforward than this."

You ask yourself: What else could this mean? What is it that this person has not noticed in this context that would bring about a different meaning? You can think of an opposite frame, a different meaning, something they overlooked. The closer it is to being plausible and true, the more they are going to accept it. But really, you are just making it up — because so were they.

Quick example — you go to a hotel and you say, "This hotel is really run down." Someone says, "It is not run down — it is historic." Nothing changes except the meaning we placed on it. A pair of old jeans from the 1960s? Garbage sometimes — unless you throw the word "vintage" on them, and then they become valuable.

The 6-Step Reframe (Overview)

There is also a more formal process called the 6-step reframe. This is a historical part of NLP that comes from the early work of Bandler and Grinder. The 6-step reframe essentially asks you to communicate with a part of the unconscious mind — a part that is producing a behavior the client is not happy with. You identify the behavior, establish communication with the part, discover its positive intention, generate alternative choices with the creative part, do a congruency check with other parts, and then future pace. We primarily use parts integration now instead of the 6-step reframe, but it is important to know it exists so you can speak intelligently about it, and it is useful in structuring how you think about parts and the unconscious mind.

3. HOW — Exercise (~3.5 min / 18%)

Goal: Read the steps for the reframing exercise. Explain setup, group size, time per person, and what to do.

Alright, so here is the exercise. This is the reframing practice exercise.

Exercise Setup:

Groups of 2 — one coach, one client
About 5 minutes per round, then switch roles
Total exercise time: approximately 10-12 minutes
You will need a pen and paper to write things down word for word

The important thing in reframing is that you fully understand what the client is saying and you write down what they say word for word. Do not paraphrase. Do not shorthand it. Write it down exactly as they say it, because it is the structure of their grammar that tells you how the problem is a problem.

Steps:

Step 1 — Get the Problem

Ask your partner: "What is the problem?"

The client's complaint works best for this exercise if it is a complaint about someone else. So something like, "My boss is too accommodating," or, "When my friend is late for lunch, I get upset because it means she does not respect me."

Write their sentence down word for word.

Step 2 — Determine the Language Pattern

Look at what they said and ask yourself: Is this a comparative deletion? ("She is too...") Is this a cause and effect? ("When X happens, I feel Y.") Is this a complex equivalence? ("When she does X, it means Y.")

This determines which type of reframe you will use.

Step 3 — Light Up the Neurology

Ask: "How is that a problem for you?"

This is a very important question. You want them to get into their problem state — to feel it. They might say, "I get really anxious," or "I do not sleep at night," or "I start crying." Write down what they say. The reason you ask "how is that a problem" is to light up the neurology — to get the person into the problem state.

"If you don't understand how the problem is a problem for the client, then your intervention's not going to be as good as if you're really clear on how they're doing the problem."

Step 4 — Send Them Away and Develop Your Response

Now send the client away while you work on your response.

If you identified a comparative deletion — do a context reframe. Ask yourself: What is another context where this behavior is actually a good thing?
If you identified a cause and effect or complex equivalence — do a meaning reframe. Ask yourself: What else could this mean? What is an opposite frame? What has this person not noticed?

Write down your reframe.

Step 5 — Bring Them Back and Deliver

Bring the client back. First, re-light their neurology by reading back exactly what they said:

"A moment ago, you said your boss is too accommodating..." or "A moment ago, you said when your friend is late for lunch, you get upset because it means she does not respect you."

Wait for them to nod or confirm — that puts them back in the problem state.

Then deliver your reframe.

Step 6 — Watch for the Shift

Use your sensory acuity. Watch their body language, their eye pupils, their breathing, their color change. Any change in sensory acuity means your reframe did something at the unconscious level.

"As long as they fully contemplate what you said, you should see a shift."

If you do not see a shift — that is okay. That happens. Now you know what it looks like when a reframe misses, and you know you need to try something else. That is valuable information too.

Step 7 — Switch roles and repeat.

Practice Tip:

If you really want to become proficient at this, practice context reframes and meaning reframes separately. Ask someone to give you a problem in the form of a comparative deletion and just practice context reframes. Then repeat and ask for a cause and effect or complex equivalence and practice meaning reframes. The goal is to be able to do it on the fly.

"This exercise prepares you to talk like that. Reframes are to be done as you're speaking with people."

4. WHAT IF — Future Pace (~5 min / 25%)

Goal: Self-discovery. Let them teach themselves and each other. Three questions.

Alright, so now I would like to open this up.

1. What questions do you have?

(Take questions from the audience. Address anything that came up during the teaching or exercise.)

Some things that may come up — and that are worth addressing:

"What if my reframe misses?" — That happens. And now you know what it looks like. You do not want to assume every reframe will work and stop paying attention to the other person. When you deliver a reframe and they just stare at you blankly — or there is no shift — then you need to do something else because it missed. That is why sensory acuity matters.

"I don't want you thinking every time you do a reframe it's going to work no matter what and not paying attention to the other person."

"What if I need more information before I can reframe?" — Good question. Sometimes the initial complaint is just a decision or a statement, like "My mother-in-law does not respect me." And without the evidence — without the "how specifically" — it is hard to reframe. So you may need to ask, "How specifically?" or "About what?" to get to the comparative deletion, cause and effect, or complex equivalence underneath. Then you can reframe.

"If you say, 'My mother-in-law doesn't respect me,' I would say either 'about what' or 'how specifically.' And what would you say? Because you actually need more information in that case."

"Does a reframe solve the problem?" — It could. But what it is really powerful for is giving the client pause — to wonder, "What if that was not true?" It loosens their grip on the problem. And as we know, if you do a good job loosening the model, then change will happen really in an instant — faster, with less effort.

"Does it solve the problem? Well, it could. But what it's really, really powerful for is just giving them pause to sort of wonder, like — what if that wasn't true?"

2. What did you learn?

(Invite 2-3 people to share their biggest takeaway or aha moment from the teaching or the exercise.)

3. What do I need to know?

(This is your chance to tell me anything — what worked, what did not, what you are still unclear on. This helps me as a trainer understand where you are.)

Metaphor Suggestions

The 5 metaphors (10 min total, ~2 min each) are delivered separately from the 20-min presentation. Below are metaphors and stories drawn from the source material that Dustin could use, plus notes for developing personal ones.

From the Source Material:

The Stubborn Daughter — A father comes to the therapist and says, "My daughter is too stubborn, too defiant." The therapist responds, "Won't that be great when she is presented with a lot of peer pressure and she doesn't just succumb to what all her peers suggest?" The father sits back: "Huh. Never thought of it like that before." One sentence, two minutes, the whole problem shifts. That is a context reframe.
The Turnip Story — A man from Canada marries a woman from the American South. They buy turnips. He goes to cook the root part. She goes to cook the green part. He says, "What are you doing? That is the top — that is garbage, we feed it to the pigs." She says, "No, that is the turnip — we feed the bottom to the pigs." Same vegetable, completely different meaning depending on context. That is literally how context affects meaning in our lives too.
"Historic, Not Run Down" — You walk into a hotel and say, "This place is really run down." Someone says, "It is not run down — it is historic." Nothing changed except the meaning. Or a pair of old jeans from the 1960s: garbage — until you call them "vintage," and suddenly they are valuable. The only thing that changed is the frame.
The Wayne Dyer Reframe — There is a famous recording of Dr. Wayne Dyer reframing to parents the loss of their child as a gift. People say, "That is ridiculous." But the parents were suffering, and he alleviated their suffering by reframing. That is the power of this tool at its highest level.
Einstein and Paradox — Einstein used to sit and contemplate paradox — two seemingly opposite ideas — because contemplating paradox gives you the ability to shift logical levels and think outside the box. Einstein himself said, "We cannot find the solutions to our problems on the same level that we created them." Reframing is exactly that — shifting to a higher logical level where the solution becomes visible.

Personal Metaphors for Dustin to Develop:

(A personal story about a time someone reframed something for you and it completely changed your experience)
(A personal story about a time you reframed something for someone else — family, friend, client — and saw it land)

Tip from Gina's prep pack: Keep metaphors short and positive. Draw from: stories you regularly tell, standout life events, travel experiences, meetings with remarkable people. Fact, fiction, or fantasy — just keep them positive.

Timing Summary

Section	Target	Content
WHY — Motivation	~7 min (35%)	Why reframing matters; helping people covertly; loosening the grip; basis behind objection-handling; Wayne Dyer story; "always be reframing"
WHAT — Information	~4.5 min (22%)	Definition; map is not the territory; context reframe (comparative deletion); meaning/content reframe (cause-effect, complex equivalence); 6-step reframe overview
HOW — Exercise	~3.5 min (18%)	Partner exercise (groups of 2, ~5 min/person): get problem, determine pattern, light up neurology, develop reframe, deliver, watch for shift; practice tip
WHAT IF — Future Pace	~5 min (25%)	Three questions: What questions? What did you learn? What do I need to know? Includes guidance on missed reframes, needing more info, and loosening the model
Total	~20 min

Reframing

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