# Reframing — Full 4-MAT Presentation Script **Presenter:** Hana **Total Time:** ~20 minutes (plus exercise time) **Has Demo:** No --- *Last updated: March 16, 2026 at 03:18 PM MT* ## 1. WHY — Motivation (3-4 min) *Goal: Short motivational opener. Why should the audience care about reframing?* --- Think about this for a second. We don't always get an opportunity to coach someone formally, right? We have family members and friends who come to us and they tell us their woes and their problems — and we are not invited to coach them. You're probably thinking, "I wish I could help, but they didn't ask me to coach them." So what if there were a way to help them with their problem — without them even knowing you are helping them? > "The big benefit in knowing how to reframe is to be able to help someone. It's kind of like metaphors in the sense that you help someone access resources covertly, or without being obvious about it." Can you imagine what it would be like to help people with their problems simply by shifting something for them — so that their problem turns into something else entirely? In a formal coaching setting this is obviously powerful. But also, any time there is a problem, because you understand how to shift the frame around it, you can avert that problem altogether. Now here is why this matters at a deep level. When a client comes to you with a problem — they come to you holding onto it very tightly. "Mine. My problem. Mine." They are basically indistinguishable from their problem. People often discover that before they can solve someone's problem, they first need to **loosen their grip** on it. Reframing is a great way to do that. And as you begin to see the applications, think about this from a sales perspective. In every sales training, they give you the top 10 objections and the top 10 canned responses — a script. Well, why do those work? The process behind those scripts is reframing. So when you learn the actual process, you learn the basis behind the basis of answering objections. You are no longer dependent on a script. You can handle any objection because you understand the structure underneath, can't you? > "If you can always be reframing — always — no matter what — reframe anything — you'll be able to contribute to someone's experience simply by talking to them, especially when they're struggling." Whether you realize it now or later, that is exactly what we are building here. The ability to shift someone's frame — deliberately, consistently, on demand. --- ## 2. WHAT — Information (~15 min) *Goal: This is the main teaching block. Definitions, theory, types of reframes, how to identify which to use, utilization, 6-step reframe overview, positive intention presupposition. Pull heavily from Gina's transcripts.* --- ### Definition So what is reframing? Reframing is essentially about **changing the meaning or the context of a presenting problem**. > "What we're doing is we're separating the facts from the meaning. We're separating the intention from the behavior. We're separating what is made up versus what is occurring." A reframe changes the meaning of someone's experience. And when that meaning changes, they get access to resources they did not have when they were stuck in their problem state. ### Einstein, Paradox, and Logical Levels Before we get into the types of reframes, I want to give you a framework for understanding WHY reframing works at a deep level. Einstein used to sit and contemplate what we call paradox — two seemingly opposite ideas. And the thing about contemplating paradox is it gives us the ability to shift logical levels — to jump up a level, to step outside of what the problem is. > "I think it was Einstein, in fact I'm positive it was Einstein, that said we cannot create the solutions to our problems, or we cannot find the solutions to our problems on the same level that we created them." Reframing, to a large extent, is about shifting your thinking from the level that you are at to a higher logical level. If you change the thinking and move to a higher logical level, you will be thinking outside of the box — outside of the box that the client is in — and you will likely come up with a solution that is not even contemplatable by the client, because they are inside the box. > "The client comes to you with a problem, so their problem is on a certain logical level and in a certain context, or their problem has a certain set of parameters around it. So in essence, we could say their problem has got a box around it. Now the only way you're going to be able to think outside the box is if you practiced thinking outside the box." So contemplating reframing and contemplating paradox is one of the most important things you can practice in NLP to stretch your brain. You start to love the power of the mind — not just the quick answer — but you start to see that in this contemplation there actually is real power. ### The Map Is Not the Territory Now, if we go back to the NLP presuppositions — the map is not the territory — what that means is that all meaning is dependent upon the context in which it appears. Even dictionary definitions are determined by looking at the context in which a word appears. If all meaning is context-dependent, then by changing the context or the structure in which something appears, we can change the meaning. Which also means — all content is reframeable. > "If all meaning is context-dependent, then NLP is a very powerful way to help change that meaning by changing the context in which it appears, or the structure." Think of it this way: the person is struggling with the way they are framing reality, and it is a problem, and they do not have any resources in that state. A reframe gives them a different focal point or a different meaning. You have billions of bits of information coming in, and the ones they filtered are causing them a problem. A reframe gives them an opportunity to choose a different 126 bits. And in that different reality, they have access to more resources. And to show you just how powerful this can be — there is a famous recording of Dr. Wayne Dyer reframing to parents the loss of their child as a gift. > "There's a famous video, video or audio, it's old, of Dr. Wayne Dyer reframing to parents the loss of their child as a gift. And it was absolutely brilliant and masterful beyond, sort of like bow down to the master. The reframe was exquisite. And so imagine the service he did... the parents are suffering and he was able to alleviate their suffering by reframing. That is very powerful, powerful language tool." That is the kind of mastery we are building toward. The ability to take something that devastating and shift the frame so completely that the person gets relief. ### Two Types of Reframes Now, there are **two types of reframes** for the purposes of NLP: a **context reframe** and a **content or meaning reframe**. They have slightly different applications, but the end result is the same — they help the client change the meaning so they can get unstuck. --- ### Context Reframe A context reframe is best used when the client delivers their problem in the format of a **comparative deletion** — "I am too this," or "She is too that," or "not enough." > "As soon as you hear comparative deletion, you should be thinking context reframe." In a context reframe, you keep the behavior the same, but you change the context where that behavior is occurring. In the new context, the behavior becomes appropriate — even a good thing. You ask yourself: What is another context for this behavior where the meaning will be different? > "There's a famous story about the father who comes to the therapist and says, 'My daughter's too stubborn, my daughter's too defiant,' and the therapist quickly responds, 'Won't that be great when she's presented with a lot of peer pressure and she doesn't just succumb to what all her peers suggest?'" The father sits back and goes, "Huh. Never thought of it like that before." The father was looking at it as a problem inside the family. As soon as you shift the context, he totally changes. That is masterful therapy, and it takes about two minutes. > "So do you see how that simple change of context literally blows the whole problem?" Here is another great example of how context affects meaning — the turnip story. A man from Canada marries a woman from the American South. They buy turnips. He goes to cook the root part. She goes to cook the green part. He says, "What are you doing? That's the top — that's garbage, we feed it to the pigs." She says, "No, that IS the turnip — we feed the bottom to the pigs." Same vegetable, completely different meaning depending on context. That is literally how context affects meaning in our lives. > "The context for the turnip there was very different in terms of which part of the turnip was seen as human food and which part was seen as pig food. So that's how context really affects the meaning." You can shift context by changing location, changing time, changing circumstances, changing age, shifting chunk size — chunk up or chunk down from the hierarchy of ideas — or shifting from the behavior to the intention. > "The easiest thing to do when you come up against a certain context is simply ask yourself, what's another context for this behavior where the meaning will be different and it will change the meaning for the better?" --- ### Content or Meaning Reframe The second type is a **meaning reframe**, also called a **content reframe**. This works best when the complaint is in the form of a **cause and effect** — "When she does X, I feel Y" — or a **complex equivalence** — "When she looked at me that way, it means she does not love me." In this case, you keep the context the same, but you change the meaning. And honestly? > "You literally make it up. It cannot be more straightforward than this." You ask yourself: What else could this mean? What is it that this person has not noticed in this context that would bring about a different meaning? You can think of an opposite frame, a different meaning, something they overlooked. The closer it is to being plausible and true, the more they are going to accept it. But really, you are just making it up — because so were they. > "They're making it up and it's causing them pain. So you just make it up where it won't cause them pain." Quick example — you go to a hotel and you say, "This hotel is really run down." Someone says, "It is not run down — it is *historic*." Nothing changes except the meaning we placed on it. A pair of old jeans from the 1960s? Garbage sometimes — unless you throw the word "vintage" on them, and then they become valuable. Here is another one. "Whenever my executive vice president is late for a meeting, it means he's not a team player." You just make up a different meaning: > "Well, what if when your executive vice president's late for a meeting, it's because he spent a little bit of extra time gone above and beyond in his preparation to make sure that he can contribute fully to the meeting and it means he's actually really dedicated to being a team player." Same situation, completely different meaning. And notice what that does — in the first frame, the person feels frustrated and dismissed. In the second frame, they see dedication and effort. Same facts, completely different internal experience. That is the power of a meaning reframe. --- ### How to Identify Which Type to Use So how do you know which type of reframe to use? Listen to the structure of their grammar. - **Comparative deletion** ("I'm too...", "She's too...", "Not enough...") --> **Context reframe**. Change the context where that behavior would be a good thing. - **Cause and effect** ("When X happens, I feel Y") --> **Meaning reframe**. Change the meaning. - **Complex equivalence** ("When she does X, it means Y") --> **Meaning reframe**. Change the meaning. > "You're actively listening. You hear a comparative deletion, you want to automatically be thinking there's a context reframe in here. You hear a cause and effect or a complex equivalence, you go, 'Ooh, this is a chance for a meaning reframe.' So what's the opposite frame which will completely change the meaning?" This needs to become almost second nature. And I want to be clear about what active listening actually means here, because this is a common misconception. > "A lot of coaches, they think active listening means parroting, paraphrasing back what the client said. That's not active listening. That's being a parrot. Active listening means you are listening to what they say, writing down exactly what they say and you are looking for the structure of how they're saying it, the process by which they are speaking. That's active listening." So you are not just reflecting words back. You are listening for structure — comparative deletions, cause and effect, complex equivalence — because the structure of their grammar tells you how the problem is a problem. --- ### Utilization — How to Actually Use Reframes Now, how do you actually use reframes in practice? There is a key question that sets the whole thing up. When someone tells you something is a problem, do not automatically assume you understand it. Instead, ask: **"How's that working for you?"** > "My favorite phrase and people who work with me like if I have private clients who work with me they hear this all the time is how's that working for you? So when you have a when you think something means something and it's not working for you and it's a problem then you're gonna do something about it. So if I say how's that working for you and you say it's not, well then... just change the meaning. Literally change the freaking meaning. Just make it up." That question does two things — it confirms the person actually sees it as a problem, and it starts to light up the neurology. From there, you go deeper. When a client tells you what their problem is, you have to ask yourself: **How is that a problem?** > "If you don't understand how the problem is a problem for the client, then your intervention's not gonna be as good as if you're really clear on how they're doing the problem." Sometimes the initial complaint is just a decision or a statement — like "My mother-in-law doesn't respect me." Without the evidence — without the "how specifically" — it is hard to reframe. So you may need to dig deeper. > "If you say, 'My mother-in-law doesn't respect me,' I would say either 'about what' or 'how specifically.' And what would you say? Because you actually need more information in that case." You keep asking until you get to a comparative deletion, a complex equivalence, or a cause and effect. Then you can reframe. And here is an important point about what happens when a reframe lands. Does it solve the problem? It could. But what it is really powerful for is giving the client pause — to wonder, "What if that was not true?" It loosens their grip on the problem. > "Does it solve the problem? Well, it could. But what it's really, really powerful for is just giving them pause to sort of wonder, like — what if that wasn't true?" And as we know, if you do a good job loosening the model, then change will happen really in an instant — faster, with less effort. One more thing — sometimes a reframe misses. That happens. And now you know what it looks like. > "I don't want you thinking every time you do a reframe it's going to work no matter what and not paying attention to the other person. When you deliver a reframe and they just stare at you — then you got to do something else because it missed." --- ### The 6-Step Reframe (Overview) There is also a more formal process called the **6-step reframe**. This is a historical part of NLP that comes from the early work of Bandler and Grinder. > "I no longer use this because I use parts integration, but it is a historical part of NLP, and so I want to make sure that we cover it so that you can talk intelligently when somebody else who's trained in NLP is talking to you." The 6-step reframe essentially asks you to communicate with a part of the unconscious mind — a part that is producing a behavior the client is not happy with. The steps are: 1. **Identify the behavior** the client wants more choices about. 2. **Establish communication** with the part responsible for that behavior — ask for a visible body signal. 3. **Discover the positive intention** — ask the part what purpose or function it serves. 4. **Generate alternatives** — take the part to the creative part of the unconscious and generate at least three alternative behaviors that satisfy the same positive intention. 5. **Congruency check** — check if the part is willing to use these alternatives. If no, go back and generate more. 6. **Ecology check** — make sure all other parts are comfortable with the new alternatives. Future pace and test. We primarily use **parts integration** now instead of the 6-step reframe, but it is important to know it exists so you can speak intelligently about it, and it is useful in structuring how you think about parts and the unconscious mind. --- ### Positive Intention Presupposition And this connects to one of the core NLP presuppositions — that **every behavior has a positive intention**. That is actually the foundation of the 6-step reframe. The whole process rests on the assumption that the part producing the unwanted behavior is trying to do something positive for you. It is not broken. It is just using a strategy that is not working well anymore. > "We always believe in our little branch of NLP that any part of the unconscious mind does have a positive intention, so we just have to find it." When you can find that positive intention, you have a natural reframe built right in. "Your anxiety is not trying to torture you. It is trying to protect you." That single reframe can shift someone's entire relationship with their anxiety. Instead of fighting it, they start working with it. Instead of being at war with themselves, they get curious about what that part actually needs. That is the presupposition in action, and it is one of the most powerful reframes you can offer. --- ## 3. HOW — Exercise (placeholder) *Goal: Read the steps for the reframing partner exercise. Explain setup. Placeholder for live exercise.* --- Alright, so here is the exercise. This is the reframing practice exercise. You will need a partner for this. **Exercise Setup:** - Groups of 2 — one coach, one client - About 30 minutes total practice time - You will need a pen and paper to write things down word for word **The important thing in reframing is that you fully understand what the client is saying and you write down what they say word for word.** Do not paraphrase. Do not shorthand it. Write it down exactly as they say it, because it is the structure of their grammar that tells you how the problem is a problem. **Steps:** 1. **Get the problem** — Ask: "What is the problem?" The client's complaint works best if it is a complaint about someone else. Write their sentence down word for word. 2. **Determine the language pattern** — Is this a comparative deletion? A cause and effect? A complex equivalence? This determines which type of reframe you will use. 3. **Light up the neurology** — Ask: "How is that a problem for you?" Get them into their problem state. Write down what they say. 4. **Send them away and develop your response** — If comparative deletion, do a context reframe. If cause and effect or complex equivalence, do a meaning reframe. Write down your reframe. 5. **Bring them back and deliver** — Re-light their neurology by reading back exactly what they said. Wait for them to confirm. Then deliver your reframe. 6. **Watch for the shift** — Use your sensory acuity. Watch body language, breathing, color change. Any change means your reframe did something at the unconscious level. 7. **Switch roles** and repeat. *Exercise goes here.* --- ## 4. WHAT IF — Future Pace (placeholder) --- **1. What questions do you have?** **2. What did you learn?** **3. What do I need to know?** --- ## Metaphor Themes (5 personal stories, ~2 min each) *Each metaphor should be a personal story that illustrates one of these lessons. Stories will be developed separately.* 1. **One sentence changed everything** — A time someone said one thing to you that completely shifted how you saw a situation 2. **Same situation, different meaning** — A time you experienced something that looked bad at first but turned out to be a gift (or vice versa) 3. **Helping without being invited** — A time you helped someone with a problem covertly, without them realizing you were "coaching" them 4. **Loosening the grip** — A time you or someone you know was holding onto a problem so tightly that they couldn't see any other option, and what shifted 5. **Context is everything** — A time the same behavior or trait was a liability in one situation and a superpower in another